Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn

I am definately having a Rhett Butler moment, you know, the moment when you realise THAT’S IT! I have such a monumental moment since last night. So monumental that I even started this blog. Go.Figure!

It started with a very innocent “Oh Goodie, a Beatles Concert on TV, what a nice evening”. Because, usually the TV programme is one degree removed from being utter sheit. Of course, being 65, the Beatle songs stirred up all the teenage memories, dreams, hopes and all the rest of it. And whether it was the music or the full moon, as a friend suggested, I woke up this morning reflecting on my life, and how I was doing in living my dreams from yesterday.

I am a giver – or at least part of me is. I like helping people. I made it my profession. It gives me deep satisfaction when I see that I can make a difference in people’s lives. I cheer for the underdog, I have a heart for the disadvantaged, disenfranchised, the misunderstood.

But something happened last night. Some little voice in the back of my mind whispered “What about me?” And I realised, there needs to be at least one person that put’s me at #1 position. I am actually running on empty here. And looking around, all I could find was friends, family, kids, acquaintances that like spending time with me and love me – to some extend – but there is no-one I could find for whom I am #1.

So, obviously, as always, the bucket stops with me. Well, that’s not really bad news, because that way I get what I really want, and probably deserve, because I am the motor behind these things. Well, now I am feeling a little bit better! Just have to learn quickly how to be more egoistical so that I can enjoy it for plenty of years before l hop into the grave.

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